Smack zone

HAMMOND

Hanging out with Luberda and Tran really makes me feel good about myself. Rachel and Kevin could add their current balances together, and I would still beat them (in class). But beyond that, I win all of my money off their faults. Rachel's dreaming for another chance, and Kevin just hopes he gets one chance in his life—I think they may be perfect for each other. $1.99 (the amount I paid for Rachel's mom) says Kevin and Rachel make pitiful, pitiful love over the break. Last Week: +$4,000. Current Balance: $19,500.

LURBERTA

Let me pause to shed a tear for the end of an amazing semester. Shit, you caught me. Am I that transparent? I can't wait to get away from the sketchmaster himself and that other dude who just kind of hangs around the office. Who is that guy and what is his obsession with chastity? As for the Kendawg, I want to take this opportunity to tell him that I think about that night all the time...and laugh. Over and over again. With Herald craziness a few hours away, $10,900 says that Heller makes a clean sweep of the female e-board. Last Week: +$3,000. Current Balance $10,900.

TRAN

As I sit here writing my last Smack for the semester, I can't help but feel sentimental. Without the Herald, Hammond won't be around to tell his stories about the fun things he does with his sister in Kentucky. And Luberda—well, actually, I couldn't give a damn about her. $500 says I prove Hammond wrong when Luberda's mom comes up to pay her a visit. And finally, Hammond repeats his "night of shame" at the Herald end-of-semester party ($500). Last Week: $1,700. Current Balance: $9,800.

ANDREW HELLER, GUEST

Something's stinky around here, and it ain't my Y sweatshirt. Mr. Poop sez: check the front door, or Mr. Michel's email account. Next term, Marshall carries on a tempestuous love affair with the bottle ($5,000). Put $100 on Laakso becoming a Britney convert by year's end, and $400 more on seeing Chen on stage with her tomorrow. And here's $300 on Moran "going down" in Herald party history two years running. Oops, I did it again... Last Week: +$100. Current Balance: $12,700.

Andrew Heller, BK '03, is editor-in-chief of the Herald.

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